Recurring themes

There are two things that keep coming back to haunt me. They lurk in the background, making me feel continually guilty and disheartened. They reinforce that "you are not in control, your priorities are all skewed" feeling.

You're wondering now, aren't you? How bad can it be? What nightmare is this...?

The attic and the garden.

The garden - I know what I want it to be, the plan (!) is good - that's what makes it so frustrating!! A couple of years of builders and flooding have put me in the "Where do I start?" frame of mind. I want somewhere to sit and eat, productive fruit and veg beds, and a shed to store stuff ... I dream of potting sheds ... and greenhouses ... patios ... chickens...

The attic - empty the attic... board the attic...refill the attic ... builders ... empty the attic ... refill the attic ... and so it goes on! We need to empty it again so we can get to the overflowing overflow. But emptying it causes chaos everywhere else - then I need to tidy because people are coming - so we shove it all back again... I want an organised, minimal attic - this is also probably a pipe dream ...

I think that, in order to assert control over my life, I need to conquer the garden and the attic.

More plans ..

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                                (How good does this look? Dreaming ...!)

Reprehensible wussing out!

I am not going to run 10km on Bank holiday Monday. I am a wuss! I am sorry!

Reality is what it is: one of my cousins has an injury and probably won't run. Her husband won't run if she doesn't. My other cousin has family commitments - yay - go you, you know who you are! We can't afford petrol, train fares, etc.

Think I could stagger round but not trained enough ...

My main reason for feeling bad is I don't like Daisyfay seeing me not go through with something - so: going to try and enter a Race for Life - can run 5k already and the Miracle Girl could do that with me too - and going to look for a 10k closer to home, maybe around September.

Feeling bad - but looking forward ...

Willpower

I don't think I've got any.

Should have been running whilst the Miracle Girl was at Brownies; not for the first time, instead I went to Tesco and bought wine...

This is bad. I know this, you know this, but still I persist.

I will discover willpower ...

Finding gaps

I found a gap ... and I've had a lovely day.

There probably shouldn't have been a gap - there are a million and one things I should have been doing - I'm supposed to be sorting out stuff for selling, putting stuff on ebay, finding a path through the attic to the water tank to sort the overflowing overflow, planting food in the garden so that we can become self-sufficient ...

But instead I went with the gap ...

Me and Daisyfay got up quite early - washing on line - made chocolate brownies - realised part-way through no eggs - thank god for caravan park shop which opens at the crack of dawn! Paul did home cooked ham with fancy flavours - gorgeous smell through house.

This afternoon 007 Minor came to play. They played - perused the (many!) James Bond books we possess - I made picnic (aforementioned ham rolls and brownies, apples, crisps and drinks) - basket, book and ball and we were set. Walk down canal path - adventures in the woods involving water and trees - me collecting wild garlic - ice cream - caravan park playground - lambs - pirate dens in the reeds - nettles!!!

                                              

                                                                                         

Got home just in time for 007 Minor's mum - hope his socks washed...! :-)

BBQ - visit to horses - bed.

Lovely day - gaps are good.

Feeling dreamy ...

                               
           

The Sub-Plan

I have been running. Twice. In consecutive weeks. Not quite twice in a week, but still ...

I have just run 3.84 miles, albeit quite slowly! This means on current form it will take me about an hour and a half to run 10km - which is pretty pants but just on the right side of acceptable!

I'm off for a shower.

I'm feeling quite pleased with myself ...